Monday, February 2, 2015

How to build positive self-esteem

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We all know that self-esteem can be an important part of success. Too little self-esteem can leave people feeling defeated or depressed. It can also lead people to make bad choices, fall into destructive relationships, or fail to live up to their full potential. But what about too much self-esteem? Narcissism can certainly be off-putting and can even damage personal relationships.

Self-esteem levels at the extreme high and low ends of the spectrum can be damaging, so the ideal is to strike a balance somewhere in the middle. A realistic yet positive view of the self is often considered the ideal.

Turn Scars into Stars:  Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves. Self-image is the way we see ourselves. When we feel good the world look nice, productivity goes up and relationships are a lot better. The reverse is true. 

If you read the life histories of people who have turned a negative into a positive, adversity into advantage, stumbling blocks into stepping stones. They refuse to let disappointment and failures pull them down.

Some of the best music was composed by Beethoven; what was his handicap? He was deaf. Some of the best poetry written on nature was written by Milton. What was his handicap? He was blind. One of the greatest world leader was US President Franklin.O.Roosevelt. What was his handicap? He served from a wheelchair.

A person with high self-esteem could choose identical behavior for different reasons. He may be alone because he prefers solitude, whereas a person with low self-esteem prefers to be alone because he is uncomfortable in groups.

What a man thinks of himself; that is what determines, or rather indicates, his fate ~ Henry David Thoreau


1. Learn Intelligent Ignorance: Education teaches us what we can do and also teaches us what we cannot do.

I'm looking for a lot of men with an infinite capacity for not knowing what cannot be done ~Henry Ford

Henry Ford gave this world the V8 Engine. He did not have much formal education. In fact, he did not go to school beyond the age of 14. He was intelligent enough to know that a V8 Engine would be of great value to his company but he didn't know how to build it. So he asked all his highly educated or qualified people to build one. According to them, a V8 was impossible to build. But Henry Ford insisted on having his V8 Engine. A few months later he asked his people if they had the V8 and they replied, "we know what can be done. The V8 is impossibility," This went on many months and still Henry Ford said," I want my V8," And shortly therefore the same people who said it was impossible produce his V8 Engine.

Why? They let their imagination run beyond academic limitation. Education teaches us what can be done and sometimes also teaches us false limitations.

2. Do Something for others who cannot repay you in cash or kind.

Be a volunteers. It build self-worth. Helping others as you would expect others to help you gives a feeling of gratification. The process of giving without having expectations or getting anything in return raises one's self-esteem.

3. Learn to Give and Receive Compliments.

Don't miss out on any opportunity to give sincere compliment when others give you a compliment, accept it graciously and gracefully with two words,"Thank You." That is a sign of humility.

4. Accept Responsibility.

We need to accept responsibility for our behavior and our actions and insulate ourselves from excuses. We have to accept responsibility and stop blaming others then only then, will productivity and quality of life improve.

5. Practice Discipline.

Self-discipline does not kill you but builds it. You see people with talent and ability, and yet they are unsuccessful. They are frustrated and the some behavior pattern affects their business, their health, and their relationships with others. They are dissatisfied and blame it on luck without realizing that many problems are caused by lack of discipline.

6. Set Goals.

Well defined  goal give a person a sense of direction, a feeling of accomplishment when he reaches his goals. Goals is a sense of purpose and visions. They give meaning and fulfillment to life.

7. Associate with people of high moral character.

Negative influences come in the form of peer pressure. Associate with people of high moral character helps build self-esteem.

8. Become internally driven, not externally driven.

Happiness comes from being and not having. One can have everything in life and yet not happy. Happiness is internal. Happiness is like a butterfly. If  it, it keeps flying away. If you stand still, it comes and sits on your shoulder.

Set your own standards. Be honest to yourself. Compete against yourself. Do the following.
  • Look for the positive in every person and in every situation.
  • Resolve to be happy.
  • Make the best of every situation.
  • Learn to get over things. Don't brood.
  • Forgive yourself and others. Don't hold guilt or bear grudges.
  • Help others less fortunate than yourself.
9. Give yourself Positive Auto-Suggestions.

Develop the habit giving yourself positive self-talk your behavior reflects your belief system. Auto-suggestions affect your behavior by influencing your belief system.

10. Become a Good Listener.  Listening is a strength.

11. Have Patience.

A lot of times we hear people saying that one exposure to a positive or a negative material does not have any impact. That is not true. The difference may not be visible but something is happening.

Illustration: In China there is a bamboo tree that is planted watered and fertilized for the first four years and nothing happens. There is no visible sign of ears, the bamboo tree grows . But some time during the fifth years, the bamboo tree grows about 90 feet in six weeks. The question is: Did the bamboo tree grow? If the bamboo had not received water and fertilizer during the four years, when there was no visible sign of growth, would the plant had flourished? NO. The bamboo tree would have died. The lesson is clear. Have patience and faith and keep doing the right things. Even though the results may not be visible, something is happening!!